An Extrovert's Take on Spending Time Alone

 Do you like being alone?

As an extrovert, I love talking to people. From friends I’ve known since elementary school to the stranger sitting next to me on the plane, each person is an opportunity for conversation, to share stories with, to learn from. Thus, throughout the first two years of high school, I strongly disliked being alone.

Being alone meant that I couldn’t find anyone else to talk to. The world around me felt boring without people around. During the rare times I was alone, I didn’t know what to do. I’d often turn to social media and the internet to enter some semblance of a social setting.  I’d often watch various forms of media for hours on end, mindlessly, with the purpose of passing the time. Listening to a 20-minute video essay on YouTube felt better than sitting alone, reading a book, or starting a problem set.

Over time, my avoidance of being alone gradually diminished. It began with running. During the times I’d run alone over the weekend, I found the sound of my footsteps to be almost meditative. With no other voices or people around, my attention shifted from people to the environment around me. Running along the prairie, along the roads, with my own thoughts. In previous seasons, I’d take my phone with me to play music. I was pleasantly surprised to discover that music detracted from my running experience. 

Somehow, while running, I enjoyed being alone.

I enjoyed being alone because of the peace that it brought to my mind, the clarity of running with only my own thoughts. I enjoyed running alone because it gave me a sense of freedom, to be the sole determiner of where my route would take me or the pace I ran at. It gave me a sense of acceptance of the fact that, despite how close I might be with my friends, it’s my own self that I will be spending the most time with.

In that way, I’m not as extroverted as I often say I am. With my distance runs, I’ve slowly developed an appreciation for the smaller aspects of life. While I do enjoy sharing stories and experience with other people, I do see a place for self-reflection and being alone. The sudden clarity of personal growth often comes from being alone.

Previously, I tended to associate being alone with loneliness, or feeling alone. But, with intentionality, being alone shouldn’t feel that way. Being alone means spending time with yourself. Being alone means choosing to spend time with yourself. Being alone became a choice that I often chose. Even in times when the circumstances weren’t ideal or out of my control, I chose to make the time I spent with myself worthwhile. 

This semester, I started reading books for the first time in years. Because I was spending hours on end by myself, I started learning more about other people’s perspectives. Instead of talking to people directly, I was interacting with their inner minds through written text, which often revealed different parts of people. I learned and grew from books, and spending time alone.

I still prefer spending time around others rather than spending time with myself, if given the chance, but I now understand the importance and value of the latter. Now, when I’m alone, instead of spending hours scrolling my phone, I’ll scroll on my phone and open a book on occasion. Or I’ll put my phone down and go for a run. The freedom and clarity that solitude brings cannot be replaced by any amount of conversation. Being alone makes me appreciate the people I surround myself with even more. It’s only by balancing being alone and spending time with others that I can become the best version of myself that I can be.